Saturday, January 9, 2010

Quantum Plumbing


The temperature has been brutal the last couple of night down here in Georgia. We get some 10 or 12 degree nights, but never two weeks in a row...with daytime temps in the high 30's and low 40's. Blame it on the Nino's, El or La, take your pick.

I work at a hardware store a couple days a week to get out of the house, hear about conservative politics, see people I don't see any other time and catch up on local gossip. Ladies, you ain't got a thing on the male species when it come to gossip. We get the REAL dirt at the hart-ware sto', but that's a story for another time!

Plumbing is not part of the public school curriculum. It should be. When plumbing works you do, when it don't, you don't. Think about it, no shower, no coffee, no tooth brushing, no potty,no bourbon and water, or water, for that matter.

How many times have I heard:

" My wife's gonna' kill me if I don't get her some water 'fore supper."

"Them chickens (cows) gotta have water".


"Them kids' pool got a hole in it, and I done run the well dry trying to keep it full."

Statement of fact does not fix plumbing. ladies and gentlemens!

I am not a plumber, and very often have to attempt to translate the mutterings of a frustrated, dejected, stressed out, grown man and make something work. Sometimes you have to deal with his frustrated wife sent to do the dirty work of trying to explain what's wrong. If SHE gets it wrong, he'll give her the devil...COWARD. Should be against the law for men to send wives or their children to do their dirty work.

I swear helping people with plumbing problems is akin to being a vet...a dog or cat can't tell you what's wrong, only training and experience can do that.We at the hardware store put on a brave face and try to help despite verbal abuse; the old "you don't understanding the problem" look, and being asked 10 times " is this gonna work"?

How do I know...it ain't my plumbing, and I'm just trying to help.

PVC, CPVC, IPT FPT, Quest PEX, ad nauseam. Thank God for those who have determined the best way to get help is bring the broken piece along. I take heart when I see what we call a "dead possum" dangling from the hand of those whom plumbing has struck dumb. It gives me some idea of material, the fittings, and number there of, how much extra pipe to cut. That helps, until the guy decides he wants to change it to make it shorter or do something different, something half thought out...Mitchell...MITCHELL!

Mitchell is a plumbing/electrical guru at the hardware. Mitchell can make the Roman Aqueducts look simple. He'll look at you, point to the plumbing area. Mitchell don't say much, and when he does, it's short and to the point. He starts pulling stuff off the shelves, and handing it to you. His final words during this process is "need glue"? It's all gonna' be there, you just gotta to put together.

One thing's for sure, if anyone but Mitchell helps you, it's very likely you'll be back to see us at least once before the repair is complete. Think about it. Plumbers have 2 ton trucks full of parts, they just go to the truck to get what they forgot...and then come to the hardware when they can't find one.

Pray for your plumbing tonight, it's gonna be cold.

1 comment:

  1. Daddy, I want a post on MCHBS gossip. Please! And somebody REALLY ran their well dry keeping their pool full from the well> Well, that's just stupid.
    Also, you're hilarious, Dad. Dead possum....
    And I've decided to pray for my plumbing.

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