Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Little Pig and the Big Pig Show

Kids in our county have a competitive 4H Club  pig raising and judging. It happens every year, and always ends in tears.

The  contest is held state wide, with local winners going to the Big Show in Perry Ga. There, some lucky boy or girl get  a big blue ribbons, a small check and a picture taken with some older than dirt Agriculture Dept official. the pigs are not so lucky.
It's the end of the pig and the beginning of the bacon and chops for the rest of us. A good thing for us, and a bad thing for the pig, and the children that raise them.

My story is true, I could not make up such a tale...but witnesses corroborate what I am about to tell you.

One  little 4 H project piggy had just about figured out the system, and decided bacon was not in his future. He found a way to escape the confines of his pen, and being a smart little pig, decided run away from home before he could be judged.

There is a Volunteer Fire Departments up the road a short distance from little pig's pen. The firemen have fund raisers each month or so. On this evening, the activity was cake walk. Little piggy decided to take his 150 pound porcine self into the fire hall and mingle with the crowd so as to remain anonymous, and maybe win a cake or two. Being a friendly pig, the children had no end of fun playing with him.

A phone call tip-off finally spoiled the evening for the porker. The owner of said piggy went to retrieve his errant pig, who was not excited to leave such delightful company. Piggy was finally persuaded to leave the festivities. A short distance from the fire hall, some of "them old mean boys" hollered, "Piggy Piggy Piggy," and off went the pig, back to the frolic with his new found friends.

This happened twice, and the owner of the pig announced to the gleeful crowd that any more of such foolishness would result in said pig being shot right in front of everybody. That stopped that nonsense. They knew he would do it.

Little pig got within about 2 feet his pen in the back yard, and made an attempt to stop. The owner sensing the piggies intentions, latched on to both ears, which resulted in his being drug about 100 yards through the mud. He jumped up, covered with mud and  howling for his gun. His son dutifully went to the house to get the gun. This peaked the curiosity of Mama and teenage daughter, who actually owned the project pig. They jumped into the fray with both feet.:"You are not going to shoot the pig, end of discussion".

The I Am's and the You Are Not's went on until the pig, sensing a distraction, bolted. Young son pick up a stick with which to whack said porker, and succeeded in landing a blow which did as much good as hitting a brick wall with a 2X4. The stick, however, had a protruding branch that caught Mama right across both wrists. A howl of anger, and tears of acute pain and frustration overcame the poor woman. I probably would have taken my chances with a grizzly bear, had I been in the husband/son position.

After admonishing everyone within two miles in not so lady-like language, she told  her son and husband to go find two pieces of tin  She instructed them to get beside the pig with the tin, and walk  the pig to his pen. NOW!

The husband and son found the tin, and performed the task immediately, with the desired results; the wayward pig was again in the confines of his pen. Mama is still not happy about being whacked on the wrists by young son, nor having her pig threatened. The men of the family have a pile of "honey do" to accomplish pay back.

One of the Laws of the Universe states: "To entice a pig to go wherever you desire, hold a panel or panels beside him, and he will proceed forward, not being distracted by objects to his left or right".  Mothers just know the Laws of the Universe.  Why mothers are given such information is unknown. I know that I'm gonna take Mama's word for it...Laws of the Universe are not to be ignored.

The pig? He won the local judging contest, and opted out of the Big Pig Show He still resides with his family. The jury is still out on his future.

It's a true story, people, there were witnesses...

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