Friday, December 3, 2010

The Difference in Southerners

Southern Church sign

I never knew growing up in the South was a vast improvement over growing up in another geographical location in these United States. I wrote a reply to an email from my cousin who lives in Erie, Pa. Bless her Heart. She was talking about the little snow they have already had, and the leaves that blew in from Canada. or elsewhere. like so many ducks and geese on their way South. She had already raked and bagged her leaves, these were someone else's.

Anyway, it put me in the mind of the differences on how we live down here as compared to what it must be like to survive a winter/life " up there".

  • We live in houses that you can kick a cat through the walls and get by with newspaper for insulation.It's only recently we have been dupped into having real houses with no front porches.
  • Southerners seem to enjoy the hot weather as an excuse to sit in a boat in the middle of a lake and fish all day. "Course it's too hot to work in this heat".
  • Southerns like to live outside as much as possible...and everybody likes to grill out every night...even in the winter.
  • Ya'll is not a boat.
  • I suggest that most kids in the South learn to swim by the time they are 4 or escape the heat. Mothers encourage swimming as an excuse  to sit in by the pool and work on that perfect tan.
  • City Southerners are usually from somewhere else, although I admit more than half the population of Georgia now live in the 6 county "Greater Atlanta" area. This means more room for us rural dwellers... less noise and light polution...hate it for them that thinks they got to go to town.
  • In the South we eats "messes" and have a "bait" of something.
  • Where else has every "Mama" got a husband named got to go to Mama and Nem's for Sunday dinner.
  • Vituals in the South means anything that moves...possum, racoon, crawdads, and sometimes we have to eat a little crow. Collards and Turnip Greens are ritualistic, as are sweet taters.
  • Grits is Groceries is what I grew up hearing.  My Daddy wouldn't eat grits...period. Fried Irish potatoes cut thin and , two eggs, toast and lots of bacon...that was a real breakfast for him. He didn't lose all his Pa. upbring, but sure as hell got rid of his snow shovel with a smile.
  •  Cornbred and sweetmilk on Sunday night is catch as catch can dinner.
  • Children are generally refered to as Child, chillun', little heatherns, younguns, or Hey! We all looked when 'Hey" came out of and adult mouth. That meant we were usually doing something wrong, or fixin to.
  • Yes, Ma'm and No Ma'm were expected...I never caught on to that one...or wearing a tie, either. you might catch someone over 50 in a tie at Church or at a funeral.
  • Politics in the South are not the least relevant to everyday life. People argue, scream and take sides, but it really doesn't ammount to much...the original good ole boy system takes care of buiness in it's own way. Family name, family ties, what kin you are to the sheriff etc. usually grease the wheels.
  • You can say anything about anyone if you preface it with Bless his.her/it's Heart. Example: Bless her little Heart, she can't help it is she's ugly as a mud fence, she DOES wear nice clothes and has a great personality...
  • Generally, Southerns are good with animals. They have tons of dogs and cats, and they all eat what the rest of the family eats...just less of it. 
  • Dog  and cat food , as a supplement usually is bought in it's in 50 lb tote sacks.
  • In the South, you can tote something in a tote sack, or a poke. The trunk of a car is the boot.
  • Nearly everyone  in the South I know have had a couple of pet possums, coons, and squirrels, even the flying kind. Snakes are great , but Mama and Nem puts a damper on keeping them around the house...the barn, maybe.
  • Going shopping on Friday after the Eagle Has Flown , or Sat (excepting football Sat, more on that later) is a family things...uncles, aunts, grannies, and all manner of kinlin' show up at the grocery or Wally World at the same time, and spend 3 hours talking and shopping. Ain't it don't have to visit everyone in the family on Sunday.
  • The propler greeting to visitors is "Come in, if you can get in".
  • The exchange at the end of the visit is Ya'll stay with us." " I guess we better go, got to feed, yet."
  • Southerners are accepting of what they know they can't change...but the Rebel Flag and Dixie are still "hot button" issues, and as far as I know it ain't an issue ...Stars and Bars fly everywhere, they even paint barn roofs with the stars and bars. It is a pretty flag, actually a British flag, historically... a shame to not use it as decoration...and let go of the baggage piled on it.
  •  Dixie has been banned from being played at public functions, though it was written by Dan Emmett in Chicago as a slow love song for the Vaudeville Shows. I wonder if anything got banned in the northern tier of States?
  • Sotherners love snow, as long as it melts in two days  and goes back up to 60. We want one snowfall  at Thanksgiving for deer hunting, and one for Christmas. It has never happened that way, but the local school board thinks it may, and builds snow days into the calendar. We used to have "mud days" when I was a kid, as most of the back roads were dirt.
  • Southern men like to "cook" their wine, will cuss when they hit there thumb with a hammer, cry like a baby when DIVORCE comes on the country station
  •  They will not wimper at the loss of a finger to a skill saw. It is what it is.
  • Their are three kinds of Southern women "Bow heads", Redneck Chicks and Hippie Chicks. There are three kinds of men in the South, Country Clubbers, Rednecks and Hippies. The family tree of those three groups encompass all the subcultures of the South, except Coon Asses, who only live below the gnat line in Louisiana, and we ain't sure Louisiana is really of this plantet ..LSU is someone to beat in football, if you can.
  • The long and short of it is...we're a bit eccentric in the South, but being raised in the South I will guarantee you that whereever you go somebody with ask you to "speak some southern for us". People will eat everything you cook anywhere in the world, just lie about what it is...and what's in it.
  • Southerners are unique in this United States of America. "You ain't from around here, are you", suits us fine!
Ya'll come back ya here! Go Dawgs

1 comment:

  1. If I don't love you
    Grits ain't groceries
    Eggs ain't poultry
    And Mona Lisa was a Man

    Little Milton (1969)
    Covered by Jimmy Hall and Wet Willie (1970s)