Saturday, January 8, 2011

She, Who Must Be Celebrated

Alas, Bryan, Nuse, husband of Jesslyn Capen Shields, has been charged with sending out the proclamation that enables everyone in the Kingdom to have another National Holiday and Week. We call it Jesslyn Capen Shields Nuse Birthday Week. The actual celebration begins this year on January 7th, and ends at midnight on Jan.16th this year.

 During JCSNBW week all bets are off, diets crash, office parties ensue, mundane tasks are ignored, road trips are encouraged, and alcohol comsumption can once again increase to holiday levels. Hallmark Card Executives plan a ski trip to Colorado on the windfall when we say "It's Jessie's Birthday Week!"

Historic data gathered by her Paw show she was born on a wierd Jan. 9th in a small room in Chevy Chase Md., The temp at 12:00PM  midnighht was about 50. Temp at birth, about 4:00 PM,was about 25. Rain changing to snow and ice. Her mama had walked about 5 miles in the Smithsonian Air Museum to hustle things along that day.

Baby No Name decided she wanted to go to Sibley Hospital for a Billyrubens test, whatever she might have thought that sounded like fun, and an excuse for a road trip. Skating trip in a 4 wheeled vehicle was more like it. She proved negative.

The Midwives threatened to name the child if the village didn't. It took a loooonnng time to settle on JESSLYN. Being a mandolin player, I would have been happy with Amanda Lynn...a tiny voice in the wilderness, I can assure you.

The Apple Cart has been pretty much upsot since.

Some historic Births on Jan 9th, Jessie's actual Birthday. Richard Nixon...go figure. Her grandfather, Wayne Rhodes Shields, go figure. A. J. McLean, born in West Palm Beach, Florida, born Alexander James 'Alex' McLean, musician, singer, member of the Backstreet Boys, over 130 million albums sold. Damn Jessie, there's still time for that musical career. I'll drive the bus.

In closing, I offer Lord Bryan Nuse's Proclamation announcing this auspicious occasion. Whoo, hate to be in charge of this parade! And to think that she has an offspring...that makes TWO Holiday Weeks very soon.

Dear Friends and Relations of Jesslyn Shields,

By now you've taken down the Xmas tree and burned it in the backyard. You've eaten all the leftover holiday tofurkey. You've had plenty of time to defy the more ambitious of your New Year's resolutions. With your spirit stretched almost to the breaking point by holiday stress, wintertime gloom, and the first week back at work, you're in desperate need of revitalization, reinvigoration, and reprieve. In short, you need to learn to hope again; to smile again; to love again.

And here, to your great relief, is your serendipitous chance, come none to soon. Because, friends, that most inspiring Day is almost upon us once again, the annual celebration of the birth of Jesslyn Capen Shields! You may think of that Day as a sweet, though fleeting, vacation from your everyday trouble and worry -- but really it's more like a furlough day. Because your participation in this annual event isn't voluntary in the least, it's utterly mandatory!

However your part in this affair is also stunningly simple, thank goodness. A child could do it, or a monkey, if they only knew the key sequence to unlock your cellphone. Here's all you have to do:

On Sunday, January 9th (Actual Birthday) OR Saturday, Jan. 8th (Birthday's Eve), OR Monday, January 10th (Birthday Observed), pick up the phone and dial 706-224-1282. Say "happy birthday."

Then say some other things that might make JCS feel good, being careful to match the mood and mode of your speech to the ponderous themes that invariably attend such important Days as these. Think about some other weighty events in history that you know of, like the storming of the Bastille, or the signing of the Declaration of Independence, or reception of the first signals transmitted by Sputnik. How would you wish someone happy birthday during affairs such as those? This is living history, friends, this Birthday of Jesslyn Shields. And 50 years hence though children will take quizzes in World History class, and be asked to give that most pivotal of dates, none of them will balk or even sweat at the question: they'll all know the answer by heart, even as they know their own names.

Yours is indeed a brilliant and a vital thread in the ever-lengthening tapestry of Time, though perhaps a little less brilliant than that traced out by our noble Birthday Girl. Take care that your thread keeps to its course, and does not become wayward and lost as a result of your negligence! And, dear conscripts, though it is not strictly required of me, I now thank you heartily for your assistance in this our most important and rewarding of pursuits. I wish you a happy Jesslyn's-Birthday, and I remain as ever

Your servant in felicity,

Nobly Spoke

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