Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Cats, Grab one by the Tail

It was said by the humorist, Mark Twain "Grab a cat by the tail and you can gain knowledge not learned any other way."  An understatement.

We have acquired a cat. The first since we moved here some 15 years ago. A walk on. Equipped with the athletic ability that beleaguered Mark Richt would swoon over. It does flips in mid air while hitting a small ball, chases things around the house with the speed of a race car, sounding like a  herd of horses galloping as she does so. Yes, it is a SHE. Or WAS a she. It cost us 85 bucks to insure YOU won't have any kittens to deal when she wanders up to YOUR house. That is the way of the cat, you know...spread the wealth.

I like dogs and cats. I like cows. Never cared much for horses. I think mules are cool, and a Musk Ox the most Divine of creatures. I think it's the independence of the animal I am drawn to.

 When you own a dog and leave home...45.00 a night, or a bevy of dedicated responsible children or adults must shower you dog with more care than you, yourself would give it were you at home.

A cat? Just put it out. Oh, it knows you're gone. A perfect time to have kittens, kill all the birds, lizards, snakes, rats, voles moles and one little chipmunk, whose  cute little tail is all that's left of it's once cute little self. They leave all the half eaten carcasses on your door step...to show they have protected THEIR property.

They seek retaliation for your leaving; kill a squirrel and leave it in the smallest crawl space under the house, which happens to be  right under your bed. Oh yes, cat KNOW what to do when you piss 'em off an leave home.But, you CAN leave a cat at home, inside, or preferable outside, and he's fine with it. Just be prepared for the consequences.

Herding cats and training cats take special talents. Dogs are great cat trainers, and have scars to prove it. Janice is a great cat trainer. Spray bottle with the force of a fire hose. Our maid, Rosa, was a lion tamer in another life. We had a bevy of first generation Siamese Cats, the ultimate "piss off" machine...they could cause the Devil to Pray...The reason he doesn[t today is because he learned from experience...don't let a Siamese in Hell. You won't have to deal with it, and the life of being the Devil will be much simpler...you only have to deal with sinners.

Rosa had half a rolled up newspaper soaked and dried.  The other half was loose and rattly. She always had one or the other.  Cat on the counter, knock it off with rolled up newspaper. Cat wanting to be on counter, rattle newspaper. She knew, they knew. Rosa didn't play.. Cat could and would learn on her watch. They still pulled their shenanigans, but not on Rosa. We learned from her to control ( I use the word loosely) the Siamese.

What was Daddy thinking when he brought that pair home? As teenagers, he just told us NO!. Why didn't he just say NO to the "gift" of a pair of Siamese cats just off the plane and probably illegal aliens. Aliens, and they acted like it! No manners, never spoke English, and walked by their lone. They were cats after all.

Anyway, we have one. White and grayish brown. Sassy, short for Sassafras. I rather like her to sit in my lap and her purring as I stroke the velvet fur. Then I stand up and touch something metal...

As I said, grab a cat by the tail...you'll see. Education be expensive.

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