Thursday, March 31, 2011

April Fool, I'm Serious...




 Well, guys, March is a few hours from being history...basket ball will disappear, and base ball will reappear Thank God.  April Fools Day is coming next. We have met the enemy, and he is US! We get to be foolish all summer long.

To Wit:

You gotta go out with Lily White Skin and get your tan started...with a great big blistered sunburn, and a trip to the emergency room.

You gotta buy a USED  Bass Boat. They make for great  family fun. The neighbor has one, cheap. Here's your sign!

You gotta get out the old charcoal grill and eat burnt, charcoal tasting, cow or chicken for the next six months.

You gotta go to the farmers market and pay $5.00 a pound for tomatoes you could grow yourself in a flower pot. Overpriced farmer's markets ARE IN...trust it to be organic.

You gotta go to Disney while it's 101 in the shade and stand in line for 2 hours to catch that "experience of a lifetime".

You gotta go to the beach and spend $3000.00 to stay in a hotel with sand on the floor and eat in overpriced restaurants. Kids eat free, though...what's a hot dog cost?

You gotta go to two movies a week, at $30.00 a person with dinner, cause the summer season is just AWESOME! What happened to the Kiddie Club for two bread wrappers and 25 cents?

You gotta indulge visits from some people you like, and some you don't, on their way to or from their OWN $3000.00 credit card vacation.

You gotta buy at least $500.00 worth of shrubs to kill... while going on vacation during "global warming water restriction". You leave the neighbor kid to water them after midnight. You pay him first. What were you thinking?

You gotta go out and buy an "above ground" pool to throw money in all summer... to stay cool. Trouble is the water is body temp by mid June...and you smell like chlorine all summer. " I just itch all over"...

You gotta go to the spa to lose weight and spend $200.00 on a new bathing suit...sorry girls, guys do just fine with cut off bluejeans. We know we have belly's, it comes with being a boy... and liking beer.

You gotta make one trip to the Emergency Room per child or husband or boyfriend.

You gotta have a few cross words with one neighbor or another... loud music, fireworks, BBQ smoke ruining your wine and cheese party, lawnmower start up too early on Sat  morn...you fill in the blank.

You gotta ask some pimply faced kid at Lowe's for advice on planting grass. He sells you a 0 turn lawnmower for $6000.00 before you leave the store, along with $500.00 worth of brightly colored packages of "grass stuff".

I could go on and on...but, April Fools Day is just the beginning of "foolish season" folks. Being foolish is part of the American dream. Look in the mirror, and promise yourself...

Oh, by the way, your shoe's untied, APRIL FOOL!

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