Saturday, November 12, 2011

It's a strange world we live in

It's an upside down world, any way you look at it. A black rhino being relocated by helicopter in Africa 'cause poachers sell his horn for an "herbal medicines" Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think how upside down his, or our, world become, at times.

 "No news is good news".

I've heard that all my life, and pretty much live by it. News people get paid by the line and the hype, so, in true human fashion news media people lie, exaggerate, spin and otherwise "lay it on you." so they can feed their kids. The can't do that on a no news diet. Would the media just approach the news as Sgt. Friday in Dragnet. " The facts Ma'am, just the facts'.

The media can make up bad news, we know that, Why can't they lie and make up good news, like "All wars suspended until further notice". The public reaction would be, "Please, you expect us to believe that"? I want to hear real news... like who lost/won the reality TV Republican Presidential nominee debate. according to CNN/FOX talking Heads.  Other important journalism favorite...how many millions DID Kim Kardashian REALLY make on her wedding...who cares about stupid old wars"? Doesn't affect me or mine.

Weather:

Now there's a topical icebreaker. Sorta' like boy meet girl..."Nice weather", "yeah"...silence..." ja eat chet"?  "No" Wanna? Yeah...Lot's of courtship customs in the South are based on weather, food. porch swings and warm or cold evenings.

Ya'll do something for me. Look up at the sky next time you go outside, if you do. Feel the air, wet your finger and figure out which direction the wind is coming from. Notice, feed, and hear the birds. Smell the air, smell like the paper mill or other industry spewing stuff in the air? That means low pressure. I used to could tell when the old Gainesville Midland steam train came by; the smoke stayed near the ground..."chanct 'o rain" is what they'd say at the store.


Here is an old trick for forecasting weather. An idea whose time has come again. It's called the weather stick. To wit: take a stick and mount it at eye level outside a window of your house, mobile home or place of employment. Does not work on skyscrapers.  If  the stick is wet, it's raining, if it has snow on it...you get the idea. You'll be as right as the weatherman. You can march right into your office and announce  "It rained last night, and people will look at you incredulously. How do you know? My weather stick...and you can start selling them for $5.00 each and quit that ratty job, You can pick up sticks and make a fortune.

The is the Vermont Weather Stick made of balsam and will predict high and low pressure. If you are interested, Google it. they are for sale and make interesting stocking stuffers...my shameless commercial for the week. They do work, I have one attached to the porch wall.

Be bold, don't carry an umbrella. Trust your judgement. Old people did. Uncle Remus said, " Don't rain every time the rain crow (cuckoo) sing". You will find that you can be just as accurate as the TV weather man/girl. They are trying to feed there kids, too. It's a job. They just chose an inherently flawed one. Oh, I forgot. Weathermen they live in tidy cul de sac neighborhoods, near a city and work in a building with no windows looking at a model screen all day. Finally, speaking of weather girls, where do they get there outfits? This leads me to, you guessed it...

The Fashion Police...what happened.

People are wearing too many casual clothes made in God knows where out of black market yaller, purple, orange, puce, lime-ass green and hot pink materials that have yet to be named. 

This time of year, Fashion Police head line should read."Wool in fall, ya'll, I know it's hot, but think how GOOD you'll look at the ball game in early Sept... in Gainesville Florida in pumpkin and brownish red clay color wool suits with matching ensemble." Fashion Police influence is powerfully lacking in the South anymore.

I have yet to be admonished by the fashion police for wearing overhauls in Wal Mark, Sonny's BBQ, Target, Madison County Hardware, or anywhere else, for that matter. They are comfortable, warm, loose, and make it easy to get on and off the tractor. I like 'em, and I'll stand up to the fashion police any day.

Kakai pants and a "no little hickey doddle on the pocket" shirt, black sneakers and a light jacket of vest are fall dressup for me. It's all I own. I had a sport coat once when I taught school. I was proud of the mold under the lapel from it being wet and thrown in the back seat for the dog to lay on all weekend, but I always put it on and wore it  for five more days. The Fashion Police threatened me, but their school monitoring budgets were cut and slowly I started to wear bluejeans,,,and got away with it.

I have been told that one can go to church in warm ups or short shorts. I like that. Religion with no rules. You could not, and would not, go to church with Virginia Shields if not dressed up with polished shoes, and a scowl on your face, 'cause you don't need a nap and it's too pretty a day to listen to some ole man tell you how many ways you can go to hell...I got told that daily all week long..even at 10 years old.

Pretty soon all seasonal clothes will be on sale all year. The Fashion Police recommendations as to color, material, and appropriateness will be meaningless...already are. Fashion magazine will go out of business dropping the GNP 2%. Brooks Brothers will become a wrestling tag team on live Atlanta Wrassling and we can wear anything we want to go see them...as long as it's tacky and made somewhere else.

The Fashion Police are going away... you can now wear white shoes before Easter and after Labor Day, and stripes and polka dots work in your double wide trailer house bathroom according to Maw-ta Stewart of K Mart.

Thank God for a world of sanity...ain't it  nice?

1 comment:

  1. Back when Live Atlanta Wrasslin' was on WTBS (Channel 17) I had a Saturday Night ritual when I was home. Just after supper I watched it for about 10 minutes and I regularly commented to my three sons..."Boys, whenever you watch TV, remember that to a greater or lesser degree...It's all wrasslin'" <bb

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