Sunday, January 15, 2012

Defining Religons?

In a page of ancient musings from the 1960's,  in a very different life, I came across a hand scribbled page I had written about religion. I think it was about the time Ricardo Nixon was getting his last helicopter ride. UH OH! I won't go there, remember?

Well, my guess is that I was looking at religion in the eyes of the beholder. Try to be patient. No, I was not given to recreational chemicals...then or now. I did keep a frig full of  Iron City 1 pounders, they were called. 16 oz. glass bottles were $5.00 a case with bottle exchange.

Antelope as a  religion:

I'm sure Lions consider Antelope, Gnu, Eland, and other four legged beast, a religion. They see, they chase, they catch, they eat, they sleep, they leave the rest for others, arguing amongst themselves until hunger takes over again. Until that happens, you could put an antelope under their collective noses, and they'd lick it clean, and lay down with the lamb.

Caucuses as a religion:

Caucuses are the religion of politicians. It's a fantasy created to predict just how gullible "hard working American families" will be this election season. The popularity contest before the Big Enchilada in Nov. every four years. The candidates go to church in every state having caucuses. Politicians fling the rhetoric around, preaching the other candidate are inhuman devils for about a year, and then it's all over. Hopefully, the preaching has won the anointed  the presidency, a full collection plate, and a sympathetic Congressional Majority. The party can begin...happy days are here again! Whoopee, ain't I the clever one!

Deer Hunting as a religion:

Every year, millions upon millions of dollars are spent on the pursuit of Bambi. The equipment is expensive and necessary. A 4 wheel drive truck, a camper to sleep off the hang over, a new rifle, fancy knife, and Eddie Bauer cold weather gear.  If you get a deer, a processing fee of $25.00 per deer.  You can usually get your deer for about $50.00 a pound. Every time a piece of this prime cut meat is put on the table, every child at the table heads for their room in tears, crying Daddy shot BAMBI!

Diet Drinks as a religion:

"I'm gonna' lose weight", says the 300 pound lady in the check out lane at the grocery store. "I've starting drinking them diet drinks". She proceeds to unload a cart of junk food on the conveyor belt so high that the bag boy turn pale at the thought of having to carry this load to the car. So much for losing weight. Bet that two cases of diet drink will last a week. Bank on it.

That was all I could manage to glean out of writings from the 60's; however, I have some new ideas for modern religions. Most would be well attended, with or without a high priest.

Cell Phones as a religion:

My brother wanted to come home early for St Martins  Island this week because his cell phone wouldn't work on the island. His hotel had lied through their teeth, saying they had international coverage. Land line was $5.00 a minute. The fact that three cruise ships tied up to the island and disgorged 5000 people was not a major inconvenience.

The gas pump as a religion:

Well, this one ain't new. In 1973, an oil embargo by the Saudi's put us in long, odd, even numbered gas lines...fights broke out, guards were put in delivery tankers. If you look at the configuration of a gas nozzle, it's like a one armed bandit holding up you and your car. Bow down and pass the collection plate, people. The man behind the curtain will be grateful. Listen to the numbers when the oil company profits are given this quarter.

The picture of the old gas pumps was supposedly taken at the Sautee store up in North Georgia. They have the aura of idols, don't they?

Them pumps are long gone...probably worth thousands now. Yellow pumps were for regular, and green for high test, which Amoco made as a clear liquid. They called it unleaded, even then. Why, I do not know.

My dad would use Amoco white gas, as it was called, in our lawnmowers and the Coleman gas lantern. I used to put it in my Mama's '56 Chevy 283 Powerpack station wagon when we went drag racing by the cattle barn on Sat night. I never won, but it was a fun. Amoco High Test was only 32 cents a gallon. We argued, after the drags, which was best fuel for racing, Amoco or Gulf Crest.

No comments:

Post a Comment