Thursday, March 29, 2012

Some Misnomers I Have Known

I was diligently weeding garlic, when the notion hit me that I have spent the past 3 weeks weeding row after row, and starting over again...sorta' like painting the San Francisco Bay Bridge...get to one end and start over.

People always ask "What do you do?" I reply. "When I'm not impersonating the late Willy B, I am a garlic farmer. That's wrong. I am a garlic weeder. There is nothing about growing garlic that has anything to do with farming. You just stay bent over for 6 month a year...planting. weeding or harvesting.

 By the way, for the uninitiated, Willy B was the resident Go rilla at the Atlanta Zoo for decades. I was always a bit jealous that he could turn a tractor tire inside out...as if were nothing.

I spent some time in California in the pursuit of the wily bovine. We used to be called in gentler times, "Cow Herders". That is a misnomer. Cow Chasers is more appropriate. I remember going out with a couple dogs, and two or three other "cowboys" to finish a roundup. We started out looking for some 12 brutes and ended up with one. We worked most all day. We got the one 'cause somebody roped a calf, and Mama followed it home. We "chased" all day...and they "brushed up" all day. Cows 11, Cow Chasers 1.

I am a Beekeeper. Wrong, I'm a Beeminder. The do what bees do. They've been doing it for a couple hundred thousand years longer than I have. You can't stop them from being bees...you mess up their system and they'll mess you up. Bees know best, watch and listen. Maybe they'll share some honey this year...I ain't gonna' try to do what's best for them this year.

I also am a potter. That's right...I play in the mud. People like the product...but they put it down like a hot potato when they see the price. "Why, I can get that at Wal Mark for 2.00 dollars. Honestly, people. I'm not a potter, I'm a WalMark.

I play music. We have a band. People like our music and call us to play for a party, etc. Then, after they stop laughing at the price we give 'em, they say, "Seriously, why do ya'll charge so much, you look like your having so much fun". We're not musicians, we're CLOWNS...we do this for laughs. We now have a band rule, buck at the price, the bucks go up. Price of gas, instruments, strings and clown costumes have gone up. We don't mind being clowns as long as we're being paid to be musicians.

I used to be a life guard. You know, the attentive one with the sunglasses and the Zinc Oxide on the nose. Yeah, the guy dedicated to guarding your life. Try babysitter instead. We had a rule at the pool. DO NOT drop your kids off and run. That was a joke! 100 kids 3 mothers.

Let an afternoon thunderstorm come through and every mother in town was calling to find out if their child was safe. I was always tempted to ask them if their kid was allergic to electricity, that he was the only one that showed any ill effects from the lightning strike. Life Guard, in this case, was a Baby Sitter.

These are the misnomers that touch my life. I'm sure everyone's got a few.

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