I Do Not Know...

I do not know why things are just so... the way they are. It's obvious that most of you people DO know why things are the way they are. I was "floating" around in Feb, 1941, minding my own business. Suddenly, I heard someone, way far away, holler real loud. "RAIN"! I ran for cover. Whoever hollered "Rain" really said "Brains". Boy, was that a screw up. I got a brain, but just in time. Poof, I was out the door. Someone handed me a manual, "Living on Earth", patted me on the butt and sent me on my way.

I began to get a clue that things were not splimmy slammy when I asked my Mama how long I had to continue this "going to school" thing. She said, " a loooong time". Bummer! How was I ever gonna' learn anything!

Come to think of it, I went to college. I never got my college diploma. I was too busy playing with my real brain...not the school one. I did go to graduation. Why? I do not know.

I thought it a fluke that life could be so ordered...that everything had to happen according to a set schedule, an agenda, a Great Madella. Surely, MY life was not so ordered. Why? I do not know.

I began to catch on that my life was much like everyone else's in many ways. The family driving back from some vacation. I was in the back seat...my brother and sister asleep. Ah, west and wewaxation a wast. They had been fighting the past two hours. The late afternoon sun was coming in the window, I was half a sleep, and looked down at my leg. I saw HAIR growing on my legs. DARK hair. What that be about? My brain hadn't told me nothing 'bout that. OK where's my manual...

Then, another slap. I could drive when I was about 10. I'd like to have a license, please. Nope, you gotta' be sixteen. Why? I can drive already.

 My physical explosion in as few years later scared hell out of me. Scared hell out of some of the bullies in school, too. I went from about 5'8" 150 to 6'1" 195 in less than a year. My legs hurt, my back hurt, my knees hurt...now I'm 70, my back hurts, my shoulders hurt, my knees hurt.

I never gave a thought to what I was going to be. There was the ever adult question... "and what do want to be when you grow up?" I do not know. Left alone? I still don't have clue. A human being? I'll try that.

Question. " Are you retired"? Do I LOOK retired? No, I'm not retired! I never did anything to retire to, or from.

I have a question. Does everyone in the world have a clue, and it's just me that doesn't? Have I said that, already? I would like to think I'm not the only one what missed the prenatal lecture on This is How it Works, Way Out There. Rule # 1, Be Good to you Mama, etc.

I guess my Manual for Living on Earth was missing a few pages. I have enjoyed reading some of it. I've scribbled notes in it, hope they don't mind.

If you guys have a complete manual, I'd like to see one. Some of the pages are missing in mine. Probably won't help. I just made up the missing parts. I could have used some help during the teenage acne years...Cliif Notes, or something. I always thought there were people " in the know" in those years. I bet they had ALL the pages! They were way too cool not to have had them.

I do hope someone finds the Original Manual for Living on Earth stashed in a small leather-bound trunk in a Bazaar in Istanbul, or is it Constantinople?

I want to read it. Why? I do not know. I do not have any desire see the movie. Maybe I just need to hold it.  The Manual might be like War and Peace, for your eyes only. I'll never read it. That I DO know.