Laws of the Universe...Paraprosdokians.

I often wondered why they even bothered when I was Outback AU. I was not alone. A paraprosdokian is a phrase or sentence that leads us down the garden path to an unexpected ending."Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a paraprosdokian. Male children in the South, and else where, I'm sure, were raised on a diet of " Law's of the Universe". These little gems usually came out at hunting camps, road houses, and family reunions.  At reunions, men and women folk separated almost immediately upon arrival for a little "visiting". The women go about what women do at reunions: prepare the "groaning board", manager the younger children, and gossip.  The men go to the barn, the wood shed or the spring house. A  bottle usually came out of the bushes, or some good Uncles back pocket. The outpouring of wisdom from the sages is legendary. Uncles, Cousins, and Grandfathers alike participate in joyous stories and one liners that would certainly entertain the devil himself. No one and nothing were spared. No one got tipsy, just loose;never enough to incur the wrath of the women, holy men, and teetotalers. Alas, prudence does not allow me to go to the dark side in this post, but I'm sure the "Laws of the Universe" are universal. Here are a few of my favorite paraprosdokians I got from Cousin Sandy. She's my first cousin on Daddy's side, and though I never knew that side very well, I have been schooled by Cuz in the genealogy from up yonder by the big blue waters of Lake Erie. There might have been a character or two on that side of the tree. Here goes: 1. "Do not argue with an idiot; he will drag you down to his level and beat up with experience."  This scenario reared it's ugly head so many times that I finally moved to the end of a long dirt road, begging relief. Whooppee! I only have three neighbors!  Guess what? Two out of the three are working on Masters Degree at I U (Idiot Univ.)The other neighbors has nine lives. There are supposedly fewer complete idiots in the country. Complete Idiots seem to love each others company in crowded places.  I prefer to call them "eccentrics" on my long dirt road. I do not engage them in conversation often, less their true colors wave. 2. "We never really grow up, we just learn how to act in public". I resemble that remark! At least I know it. I never really wanted to grow up. I guess this proves we don't have to grow up so long as we keep our mouths shut0, and fly zipped for the most part.  Both are hard for me as I get older. 3. " I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you". This is human condition. I'm sure animals play the blame game, too. We just can't understand what they say to each other. Remember the childhood scenario, "Mama, he broke a plate!" "Did not". "Did too! "Well, YOU were the one who hit my arm"! "Did not, he's lying, Mama"! "Thou protesteth too loudly, my children", was the likely response. Somehow the blame game never worked at my house. I'm sure there are heavenly memos still being circulated, asking the question, "What WERE you thinking when you created the human race"? Must have been a weak moment, boredom, or His curiosity got the better of Him. He started playing with the Clay. I'm glad he did...my own self. 4. "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more that standing in a garage makes you a car". Amen! I can't think of a better way of putting something I've long considered. 5. "You're never to old to learn something stupid! DO NOT tell me it didn't zip through you're feeble brain that you are immune this one! Please re read paraprosdokian number one, if you even considered it. There are many more of these little bits of hindsight, but these few were some of my favorites. None of us are immune! In fact, I might try my hand at adding a couple. Experience is a great teacher, and Lord knows, I've got enough scars to prove that. i leave you with: "Light travels faster than sound; that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." night all....