You Know...

Money is funny stuff. It's made of everyday things; paper and metal and now, plastic.

 We in the USA, and most of the world,  have enough faith in this paper to obtain goods and services.

I have fear of money. Well, maybe not a fear, but an adversarial relationship with it. Until fairly recently I rarely ever had more than a pair of any of it in my pocket...ones, fives, tens, twenties. I can  say I have never had 100 dollars, much less 200 dollars in my pocket for more than two days. They are always in demand by others.

Why am I not able to cope with money. I don't know. I just always have been afraid I'd lose it, not have enough of it, and not able to get more of it if I needed it.

I never could become comfortable with a career path. I preferred the "gig economy" even in the 60's with my college degree. They didn't call it a ''gig economy" back when, but it was a driving force in the service industry. Carpenters, mechanics, concrete workers, roofers could make a good living as independents. I learned a lot in the wood butcher buisness, mixing mud, climbing ladders with bundles of shingles. I lived cheap until I moved to West Virginia. I then lived cheaper there.

A lack of money is a burden. Too much of it is also a burden.

I tend to agree with the farmer in Missouri who won 3,000.000 in the Lottery years ago. In his exit interview with the check, he was asked what he planned to do with the money. His answer was "to keep farming until it was gone".

 I don't know  if it would change my lifestyle much to have 3,000,000 dollars. After paying all my obligations, and handed some to the family, I would give the rest to my wife to deal with. She ain't skeered!

Why am I writing this? Just today, I couldn't find an envelope of a sum of money I had to purchase a car from my daughter. So, I have three or four hidey holes that I use for stashes. I promptly forgot where I put it in three days. Why. Well I did the mental work to hide it from you and myself. Brain was proud of itself.  I did find it by elimination, but it took an hour or so. I get butterflies thinking about it.

I still reach in my pocket to see if I have money when I go into a store. I don't carry a wallet in my pocket. Sometimes a good person standing behind me will say "Sir, you dropped some money". Bless them.

I've  got to stop, I'm getting queasy thinking about a paper bag.  I went to Washington D.C.  to buy an amp for the band. I was in a bad part of D.C. and was a little paranoid about carrying 500.00 in my pocket, saw the bag, deposited the cash, locked the car and went to the music store. I didn't buy the amp, or retrieve the cash.

A day or two later, I thought about the bag in the back floor of the Volvo. I did not find the bag. The burn barrel was smoking. Some thoughtful person had cleaned out the back seat of the Volvo, and burned the bag and 500.00.

I am still in shock. I told you, I have an adversarial relationship with money.